With anything related to self-help, I like to get the abridged versions in order to cut out the all-too-frequent fluff.
Happily, most all fluff in the full version, has been cut out except for some typically pedestrian Oprahist comments near the end. Get this book. Listen carefully. It may well save your life. Listen to your intuition when dealing with people. Don't let being nice cause you to get killed. Retrieved January 3, The Gift of Fear , back cover, Dell, Categories : Self-help books non-fiction books Works about fear Books about violence. Hidden categories: Books with missing cover. Namespaces Article Talk.
Views Read Edit View history. Still holding on to the grocery bag, he said, "There's such thing as being too proud, you know. For a moment, Kelly didn't let go of that bag, but then she did, and this seemingly insignificant exchange between the cordial stranger and the recipient of his courtesy was the signal--to him and to her--that she was willing to trust him.
As the bag passed from her control to his, so did she. Even though he seemed to want nothing more at that moment than to be helpful, she was apprehensive about him, and for no good reason, she thought. He was friendly and gentlemanly, and she felt guilty about her suspicion. She didn't want to be the kind of person who distrusts everybody, so they were next approaching the door to her apartment. Kelly was now standing at the door to her apartment, which she'd just opened.
Instead, he said, "Oh no, I didn't come this far to let you have another cat food spill. I'll just put this stuff down and go. I promise. At this point, as she is telling me the story of the rape and the whole three-hour ordeal she suffered, Kelly pauses to weep quietly. She now knows that he killed one of his other victims, stabbed her to death.
All the while, since soon after we sat down knee to knee in the small garden outside my office, Kelly has been holding both my hands. She is twenty-seven years old. Before the rape, she was a counselor for disturbed children, but she hasn't been back to work in a long while.
That friendly-looking young man had caused three hours of suffering in her apartment and at least three months of suffering in her memory. The confidence he scared off was still hiding, the dignity he pierced still healing.
Thankfully, though, it is possible to transform yourself into a person who responds to the signals and is thus a less likely victim. The ability to act in spite of conscience or empathy is one characteristic associated with psychopaths. Figuratively working from an outer ring of million people, we eliminate all those who are the wrong gender, too young, too old, or otherwise disqualified. So, even in a gathering of aberrant murderers there is something of you and me. The can in the lead paused at the second floor landing, and Kelly watched as it literally turned the corner, gained some speed, and began its seemingly mindful hop down the next flight of steps and out of sight. There were eight bullets in the gun. He used catchy details to come to be perceived as someone familiar to her, someone she could trust.
Kelly is about to learn that listening to one small survival signal saved her life, just as failing to follow so many others had put her at risk in the first place. She looks at me through moist but clear eyes and says she wants to understand every strategy he used. She wants me to tell her what her intuition saw that saved her life. But she will tell me.
It was after that. He got up from the bed, got dressed, then closed the window. He glanced at his watch, and then started acting like he was in a hurry. Hey, don't look so scared.
I promise I'm not going to hurt you. She knew he planned to kill her, and though it may be hard to imagine, it was the first time since the incident began that she felt profound fear. He motioned to her with the gun and said, "Don't you move or do anything.
I'm going to the kitchen to get something to drink, and then I'll leave. But you stay right where you are. But the instant he stepped from the room, Kelly stood up and walked after him, pulling the sheet off the bed with her.
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence is a nonfiction self-help book written by Gavin de Becker. The book demonstrates how every. True fear is a gift. Unwarranted fear is a curse. Learn how to tell the difference. A date won't take "no" for an answer. The new nanny gives a mother an uneasy.
We walked down the hall together. At one point he stopped, and so did I. He was looking at my stereo, which was playing some music, and he reached out and made it louder. When he moved on toward the kitchen, I turned and walked through the living room.
Kelly could hear drawers being opened as she walked out her front door, leaving it ajar. She walked directly into the apartment across the hall which she somehow knew would be unlocked. Holding a finger up to signal her surprised neighbors to be quiet, she locked their door behind her. She sighs and then goes over it again. He promised he wouldn't hurt me, and that promise came out of nowhere. Then he went into the kitchen to get a drink, supposedly, but I heard him opening drawers in there.
He was looking for a knife, of course, but I knew way before that.
I do know. I get it, I get it. Noise was the thing--that's why he closed the window. That's how I knew.
Since he was dressed and supposedly leaving, he had no other reason to close her window. It was that subtle signal that warned her, but it was fear that gave her the courage to get up without hesitation and follow close behind the man who intended to kill her. She later described a fear so complete that it replaced every feeling in her body.